A bored and disinterested Eric is feeding on a willing blood donor that calls him “baby”. He tells her it is not much fun when they are so willing, so she poorly acts afraid until they are interrupted by the arrival of Lorena. Eric sends the blood whore away in disgust, but not before paying her and telling her to inform her manager she was great…. That’s our Eric, always the perfect gentleman, er, vampire. Eric reveals that he is the one that invited Lorena to Dallas to distract Bill so he can have Sookie. [Oh, Eric, you naughty, naughty boy!] He appeals to Lorena’s jealousy by stating that Bill loves Sookie, which leads to her flashback to 1926 Chicago
Bill is playing piano playing Hard Hearted Hannah [the vamp of Savannah – HA!] as Lorena works the party using a fake French accent. She approaches a couple that like to party, and suggests that maybe later the 4 of them could “f*ck prohibition further”. Later that night Bills drags the bloody gentleman into a bedroom, where Lorena is already waiting with the girlfriend. She orders Bill to put him in a chair facing the bed, and then forces him to watch Bill bite and feed from her throat on the bed. Lorena breaks the gentleman’s neck and moves to the bed, where she and Bill start kissing and having sex on the bloody sheets while next to them the girlfriend’s blood slowly continues to drain from her body. [Jeez, no more mister nice guy - It seems that Bill was not always so into mainstreaming].
Isabel and her human Hugo arrive at Bill and Sookie’s hotel suite to discuss her plan to infiltrate the FOTS church. Isabel offers to have Hugo escort Sookie, since they would be more likely to take a couple more seriously than a single woman. Sookie reads Hugo’s mind and verifies that he truly loves Isabel and they agree. The next day Sookie meets Hugo in the Lobby, where he tells her they will pose as an engaged couple looking for a church. He also tells her to let him do all the talking so she can focus on reading their minds. They also compare their vampire relationships. Hugo has been begging Isabel to turn him so he won’t get older; Sookie says she has never thought about it like that until now [really?].
They drive up to the church where Sarah Newlin is there to great them, looking like “Vanilla Pudding” [oh, these pudding references are killing me!]. Sookie starts babbling along; oops, apparently when Sookie gets nervous she talks too much. Sookie plays the role of leaving her old church because the reverend was a vampire sympathizer. Sookie reads Steve’s mind and soon realizes that they are in on the plot and know she is a mind reader. She tries several excuses to leave, but when Gabe shows up, Steve orders him to grab Sookie and Hugo, and they start dragging them downstairs as Sarah watches.
Bill wakes up as soon as Sookie is in danger to find that Lorena is waiting for him. She strattles him on the bed to hold him down, and as his maker, he cannot overpower her. Looks like Sookie may be waiting for a while to get rescued…
Detective Andy arrives at Merlotte’s to question Lafayette because he disappeared for 3 weeks and has lost some of his “pizzazz”. Lafayette told him he was away on a gay cruise; Andy calls his lie, saying if he went on a cruise he would come back with more pizzazz, not less…he then starts yelling and threatening that he is going to lock Lafayette up for being a suspect in Miss Jeannette’s murder. Lafayette starts imagining he is seeing Eric’s head on Andy’s body yelling about locking him up, which causes his to freak-out. Terry recognizes the signs of PTSD and hugs Lafayette while trying to calm him down. Later that night Pam shows up at Merlotte’s and surprises Lafayette. They feel that Lafayette still owes the vampires, and Eric wants him back business selling V.
Hoyt confronts his mama at Merlotte’s asking why his cell phone service is cut off. Mama replies that good girls don’t call that late. Hoyt is tired of mama’s interference and commands that she turns his phone service back or else. He also drops the bombshell that his new girlfriend calls him late at night because she is vampire [Boo-ya!].
Jessica wakes that night and is upset to see no messages on her phone. She decides pouring some Tru Blood down the sink will piss Bill off and make her feel better. Someone knocks on the door, and she opens it to find that Hoyt has driven all day from Bon Temps to Dallas to bring her flowers and let her know it wasn’t his fault about not leaving a message. He apologizes, but she is so happy to see him she could cry, except she won’t cause it is really gross! She pulls him in her room and shuts the door as they start kissing [Did I mention how adorable I think they are as a couple!]
Jason and Luke arrive at the FOTS church at the summons of the Newlins. Jason thinks he was pulled from soldier training as punishment for the previous nights’ bath rub with Sarah. Steve decides to clue them in that they are needed to build a platform for a “meeting the sun” ceremony, which is basically a vampire suicide [A vampire is chained to a cross on the platform until the sun rises]. As Jason and Luke build the platform they talk about forgivable sins. No kidding, according to Luke the order of unforgivable sins, from least to greatest, goes something like this:
1. Adultery
2. Incest & bestiality,
3. Vampire sex
4. Sex with a dude
5. Sex with a vampire dude [this is the crème-de-la-crème for a ticket straight to hell]
Jason finishes the platform that night and finds Sarah in the church balcony. He notices that she is crying and asks what’s wrong. She states that Steve is not the man she thought he was because he is using the boys to start a vampire war [and because he uses the “C” word]. This leads Sarah to believe that God wants her to now be with Jason…her God is pretty awesome as he approves of whatever she wants at the time. She starts kissing Jason because God commands it – let’s just say it doesn’t take much persuasion for Jason as they get it on…[while still in the church, mind you….]
That morning Tara is on hold trying to track down a part to fix Sookie’s old broken, water heater. Maryann is sitting there being a total bitch because there is no hot water. Tara sarcastically apologizes for not having a fancy crib like what Maryann is used to, which doesn’t earn any more brownie points. Tara tracks down the missing part in a town 2 hours away, and convinces the bitchy Maryann that Eggs needs to drive with her to get the part, so off they go. As they drive down the road, Eggs gets some deja vu that he has been there before and makes Tara pull over to investigate. After 45 minutes walking thru the woods they stumble around an old campfire scene with scattered clothes and a bloody rock. Something really bad happened here and Eggs knows it, but doesn’t remember what happened and starts crying.
They arrive back at Sookie’s house that night to find a mess. They go outside and follow a trail of clothes [like the reeses pieces in ET] to another MaryAnn orgy in progress. They watch in horror at MaryAnn fluttering as all the townspeople get it on in every position found in the Karma Sutra…and not in a sexy way [oh my]
Sam and Daphne have small talk while still laying naked on the pool table at Merlotte’s. Sam finally asks the million-dollar question about where the scratches on her back came from. She claims she didn’t see what attacked her in the woods and was sick for a long time, but now she has a new appreciation for being alive. Sam tells her she is the most amazing person he has ever met; she seems to think it is because it is the first honest sex he has ever had. She tells him he shouldn’t be so secretive about being a shape-shifter and he should take some risks to meet the right people. The next day Sam convinces Daphne to leave work so they can go shift in the woods together.
That night, Andy is driving home when he sees the mystery pig from Maryann’s party running across the road, accompanied by Sam the dog. As they shift back Sam asks why Daphne picked a pig and is informed that the pig is actually her go-to form. As they continue walking thru the woods they hear drumbeats. Daphne wants to investigate but Sam states that drumbeats usually indicate trouble with hippies or cults. All of the sudden, two of the orgy members rush out of the woods and grab Sam. Daphne has betrayed him and informs him that it is the end of the road for him. They pull Sam into the clearing where the orgy is taking place, causing Sam to say WTF [our thoughts exactly, Sam]. Daphne walks over to MaryAnn and grabs a bull mask, which she gently slips over Maryann’s head. Carl walks over bearing a ceremonial knife and as they start chanting as Sam starts screaming…
Tune in next week for another fantastic episode…
My Rating: 9/10
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