The joke’s on Jason as he returns from dinner with the Newlins’ to find his fellow bunkmates sprawled around the room with blood [ketchup] leaking from their throats. He is attacked from behind and thrown to the floor where he quickly realizes his attacker is just Luke acting like a vampire. He doesn’t find it very funny and tells them vampires are not a joke, they are scary as shit, then proceeds to break Luke’s nose. At breakfast the next morning, Jason gets in a debate with Luke and Dirk on the origins of the first vampire; some of the usual suspects include: Dracula, Lazarus, Cain, Eve, and even Jesus himself.
Steve Newlin calls Jason outside to accompany him on a drive where they shoot paintballs at vampire targets. Steve is surprised to hear that Jason has seen a vampire staked up close and fantasizes what it must be like to “see God’s awesome power obliterate evil right in front of your eyes”. Then they head back over to the Newlin house, where Sarah is grilling up some ribs and heating up Jason’s mind as he fantasizes her dancing and licking beer bottles to a country and western song. Over dinner they surprise him by declaring he has been selected to become a soldier of the son, an elite spiritual army designed to protect good people from evil vampires. They even invite him to live with them because, according to Luke, Mrs. Pudding has the hots for Jason.Still turned off by the orgy at Maryann’s the night before, Tara calls Sookie and agrees to move in; afterwards, she lets Maryann know that she will be moving out soon. Maryann tries to play it cool, but seems hurt that Tara would actually want to leave her house of paradise fruit and pot. Tara stands firm and tells Maryann to say goodbye to Eggs for her and walks out. She arrives at Sookie’s house, where she gets a birthday gift of a really creepy picture of the two girls and a photoshopped Gran. [Gee, thanks Sookie, you shouldn’t have…you REALLY shouldn’t have]. Tara wants to know why Sookie chose Dallas and freaks when she realizes it is another mission for the vamps. Sookie fires back that she agreed to help them to save her fool cousin Lafayette. Back at Sookie’s house Tara sits around feeling sorry for herself being alone on her birthday with the gang of Maryann, Carl, and Eggs show up unannounced. They want to throw her a birthday party. Later that night the party is hopping, and Tara and Eggs get their vertical dancing on in the living room before moving upstairs to get their horizontal dancing on, if you know what I mean.
[Okay, small rant but this is a pet peeve of mine - why do shows and movies always have random dancing at house parties. I can’t think of a time I have ever gone to someone’s house to bust a move in the living room – okay, rant over].
As Sam and Daphne continue to splash around in the bayou, he mentions moving away while wistfully defending the pros of living in Bon Temps. When swim-time is over, Daphne wants to take Sam for pancakes, but he politely declines. He sticks around another day and goes to work, where he gets in an argument with Sookie. She is angry that he was planning to leave town without telling her, and lets him know that their years of friendship are worth more than that. Tara’s mom shows up at Merlotte’s that night with a gift for her; since she is not there Sam promises to get it to her. The staff discusses Tara’s party, and Sam decides to drop off the present and continue flirting with Daphne. As they are talking, she leans into his ear and whispers, “I know what you are”.
Meanwhile, Maryann goes out in the yard and starts fluttering, which incites the party into a debauchery of nakedness, fight club, gluttony [hey, food fight!], and even eating handfuls of dirt [Ewww]. Maryann starts digging in the ground as the party continues to rage out of control and when she lifts her hands to the sky we see that she has claw-like talons [the same ones the bull-man used on Sookie last week].
Lafayette is curled up on his house popping painkillers to deal with his shot leg when Tara barges in yelling at him. Sookie blabbed about Lafayette being tortured by vampires and she tries to talk him into seeing a doctor. He refuses and kicks her out. That night he is watching TV when Eric appears at his window. Lafayette freaks and wants to know why they won’t leave him alone. Eric offers his blood to heal Lafayette’s infected leg wound, and later admits he also wants to keep tabs on him as he is important to Sookie, which he find curious. Lafayette drinks his 1000 year-old blood, which causes him to zip around the room like a humping energizer bunny on speed. Man, Eric’s blood must be awesome!
Bill interrupts Jessica and Hoyt’s romantic interlude and command Hoyt to get the heck out of his house before he throws him out thru the window. Bill says he is trying to protect Hoyt from Jessica, but Hoyt lets her know he doesn’t believe a word of it. Jessica laments that that was the first time she has kissed a boy and wouldn’t hurt him. After all, she can’t help it if her fangs pop out.
Bill tells Sookie that he jealous of how different becoming a vampire is post-TruBlood compared to when he was turned. Sookie warns that Bill’s parenting methods aren’t working so well so maybe he should lighten up a little, so they decide to take Jessica on the upcoming trip to Dallas. They arrive via Anubis Air, where a limo driver for the Compton party greets Sookie. He seems nervous, so a quick read of the mind reveals he is there to take Sookie. Lucky the flight is delayed so it is dark when they arrive and Bill is able to rescue her. Unfortunately poor Jessica gets stuck in her travel coffin. Bill teaches Jessica to glamour by practicing on the Leon the limo driver before heading over to the vampire Hotel Camilla. Sookie and Bill ponder how they knew about Sookie coming to Dallas and who is behind the plot.
Eric calls Bill and they argue over the FOTS kidnapping plot. Bill is mad that Eric knew it was a possibility and didn’t warn them; Eric reminds Bill that as the sheriff he doesn’t have to share anything with him. Eric finishes up at Lafayette’s house then flies to Dallas to meet with Bill. After interrupting Bill and Sookie’s make-out session, Bill meets Eric in the hotel bar where they continue to argue. Bill wants to know why he is so concerned about Godric. Eric explains that Godric is 2000 years old and if one as powerful as he can be taken, then no vampires are safe. Eric thinks if they don’t find Godric soon, the Texas vampires will start openly attacking humans. Bill wants to remove Sookie from the potential danger, but Eric refuses.
Bill, Sookie and Jessica check into the hotel and continue to question Leon. They find that the Fellowship of the Sun hired him to get the human with the Compton Party, but swears he didn’t even know it was a woman until Sookie stepped of the plane. Bill glamours him to forget everything and tell people that hired him that the Compton party missed the plane and never arrived. While Bill goes downstairs to talk with Eric, Sookie checks out the vampire PPV porn. [Hilarious, I don’t know which title is better: “Intercourse with a Vampire” or “His First Fangbang”].
Sookie answers a knock on the door and finds the bellboy Barry with room service for Jessica, a straight male, B-negative cutie. Sookie frets about how to handle the situation and realizes that Barry is hearing her thoughts. They start having a conversation in their minds before Barry freaks out and takes off down the hall…
And stay tuned for next week’s episode….
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