You've watched. You've waited. You've gotten "PB&J 4ever" tattooed in a heart on your ankle. And tonight's wedding on "The Office" is the culmination of your years of patience. Your years of wishing Michael would accidentally knock Roy into the baler. Your years of wanting to run up to the reception desk and bonk Jim and Pam's heads together until they realized they belong together. And it's funny, and sweet, and awkward, and pretty much perfect. Thank god.
We begin in the conference room with a list of wedding do's and don'ts. Do: Have a good time, dance when it's appropriate, eat dinner. Don't: Make a big scene, cry, talk to our family, firecrackers. Oh, and don't mention the pregnancy, because Pam's grandma is really conservative. ...Yeah, that's going to go well.
Michael, of course, plans to use the wedding as a pick-up opportunity. Dwight thoughtfully makes him a CD to play to women he brings back to his room: "Hello. My name is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this, you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah, to be in your shoes. 'What's next?', you're probably wondering. Don't be scared of your night in heaven..." Aaaand that's the first of many laugh-out-loud moments for me in the next hour.
Unfortunately for Michael, he never gets to use the CD: he can't get a room at the hotel, or scam Dwight into sharing with him. And I can see why, since apparently Dwight is some sort of chick magnet in Niagara Falls. Attention, ladies of the wedding party: Not all guys wearing howling wolf t-shirts are Bret from "Flight of the Conchords."
At the rehearsal dinner, Michael predictably tries to hone in on toasts, to the point where he toast-jacks Jim's brothers. At first it seems like a blessing, since they were mostly just insulting their wives, but Michael's "toast" consists of a standup routine about Smartcars. Jim steps in with his own contribution:
"Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do, which was to wait. And don't get me wrong, I flirted with her...I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think that even then I knew that I was waiting for my wife."
Aaaand then he blows it by accidentally letting slip that Pam is pregnant. When Michael jumped back in, I initially thought it was going to be one of those "Michael improbably saves the day" moments, but instead we get a lecture on how you can't expect people living together and having lots of consensual sex to be careful every time, because it's just a different sensation, people. Oh. My. God. And Jim's toast: "To waiting."
We don't have to wait long for Michael to improbably save the day, though - he's apparently great with old people since his grandma used to be his best friend, so he calms Pam's grandma down by telling her the baby will be named after her: Sylvia. Or Sylvio.
The night picks up after that, with a dance party in Andy's room. But since nothing can ever go well for Andy, he tears his scrotum doing the splits with car keys in his pocket. Ooouuuch. Pam, of course, is the only one sober enough to drive him to the hospital. Eight hours before her wedding. Not to digress, but how much do you have to want to impress a girl to attempt the splits with no prior history of success? And how drunk do you have to be? Because seriously? That's a terrible, terrible idea. But it is Andy we're talking about, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
The next day, despite the lack of sleep and the quality time with Andy and his torn scrotum, Pam looks gorgeous in her dress. Gorgeous. Unfortunately, the double-take she does when her best friend mentions her infatuation with Dwight (yes, Dwight) tears Pam's veil, and she has a mini-breakdown and calls Jim to talk her off the ledge. Well, I guess if you're five months pregnant you can probably get away with breaking a few wedding day rules. He not only assures her that she's just as pretty as he'd imagined she'd look, but cuts his tie in half so they match. Awww! So rather than continuing to be driven crazy by their wedding guests, Jim and Pam make a break for it. Seriously. They run away.
An hour later they return, much happier. Pam's grandma shows up, but the rest of the wedding isn't exactly as Jim and Pam had envisioned. Or rather, it's exactly as they had envisioned in their nightmares: their guests copy the "Forever" wedding dance. Which is why Jim made a backup plan the day he saw the YouTube video: He and Pam ran off to get pre-married on a boat at Niagara Falls. Did anyone else tear up a little? No? Neither did I. Jim: "The boat was actually Plan C, the church was Plan B, and Plan A was marrying her a long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her."
Recap courtesy of www.zap2it.com
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